The episode opens with DoSAC staff trying to find a celebrity to front their Healthy Choices campaign. Ollie manages to get Andy Murray, while Terri insists that ‘Pooey’ Paula Radcliffe would be a better choice. Thankfully Terri is shouted down by jibes such as “hop, shit and jump” and the notion that “shitting in your own pants is definitely not a healthy image”.

It soon becomes obvious that Malcolm is on holiday. WTF?

Yes, the man who never takes holiday takes one day’s holiday to invite some Journalistic contacts (whom he hates) over to his house for a curry. Here’s a list of some of the films that were spotted in Malcolm Tucker’s DVD collection. In the midst of this seemingly impossible dinner party, Malcolm reveals to Geoffrey (from the Guardian) and Marianne “Swine-face” Swift (from The Daily Mail) that he would like it to be known that he is still at the heart of government.

I would be very much fucking-appreciated if you could emphasis the fact that I’m at the heart of Government; because it’s fuckin’ true. I am at the Heart of Government, I am the ventricles and the fuckin’ aorta!

The Journalists nod and tell Malcolm he’s right… until the Government start wheeling out the Celebrities.

“What’s next Malcolm? Ant & Dec as the new fucking Litter Tsars? That’s when you know you’re 20 points behind in the polls!”

Ant & Dec annouced as the Government's New Litter Tsars

As soon as the words left his mouth, I began to feel anxious for Malcolm. In previous weeks his normal mastery of the Dark-Art of Spin has been reduced to mere damage control. The Immigration Data-loss leak, the Murray-Mannion Radio 5 Catastrophe and the Party Conference Punch-Up are just a few examples of complete Tuck-ups that have happened recently on Malcolm Tucker’s watch.

Malcolm doubtless feels cornered and his proclamation to the gaggle of journalists is tantamount to a death-cry. Especially after his ‘Nile of Shit’ melt-down in private to Terri last week.

Last week we heard that Steve Fleming, a former Spin-Doctor who resigned from Government in 2003, is back on the scene and infact joined The Prime Minister on his recent World-Tour; instead of Malcolm.

Malcolm Tucker and his arch enemy, Steve Fleming

As DoSAC staff speculate on who’s driving the bus, Steve Fleming himself arrives with ‘caffeinated gifts’ in a thinly vailed attempt to bully them into working through the night to rush some Crime Stats out instead of working on the Healthy Choices launch. After DoSAC’s begrudging acceptance, Steve leaves in a cloud of smug and Olly begins to berate him while Glen pours his ‘caffeinated gift’ into Nicola’s potted-plant. Terri, who keeps her Civil Service job regardless of how well any Government are doing, proclaims she likes Steve Fleming. Olly retorts:

“…well you like Bath Salts; you’re basically an idiot.”

Steve Fleming delivers marching orders in a different way to Malcolm Tucker. Steve would prefer to smile and laugh while passively-aggressively demanding things. He’s the kind of man who’d imply you should do something in a barrage of chuckles, and then either-way, he’ll stitch you up afterwards. He wants to be surrounded with acolytes and Yes-Men, he is a charmless snake.

Malcolm Tucker with his DoSAC Minions

Malcolm on the other hand prefers to explode onto the scene, insist things must be done and barks the reasons why, along with a torrent of hurtful insults. But Malcolm conveys the gravity of the situation and at the end of the day he is a protector. He wants people to keep their jobs, to do better and he doesn’t need or even want to be liked. Malcolm has shared some moments of triumph with the lesser mortals and encouraged a sense of comradery. He tried, in his own way, to comfort Nicola when she was upset about her daughter’s bullying and he seems to have a great working relationship with his rarely-seen Secretary Sam. He can be charming and can be genuinely hilarious, Malcolm Tucker is human.

As the episode develops we see how well-connected Steve Fleming is, he seems to know Malcolm has been entertaining journalists in his kitchen and is having coffee with Lord Julius Nicholson, one of Malcolm’s old foes. DoSAC published some unconfirmed Crime Projections with their Crime Stats, necessitating an Inquiry into possible massaging of the figures. Lord Nicolson will head that inquiry and Steve Fleming seems very nonchalant about the subject, but it is of visible concern to Malcolm.

Malcolm seems very unsure of himself, he’s already changed his mind on the subject of Andy Murray; since the Ant & Dec quip from Geoffrey he now thinks using a Celebrity would be a distress flare for the Government. He’s seen Steve greasing the wheels with coffee and tries to lure an estranged Nicola into a his office with a “milky beverage”. To make matters worse, Malcolm’s journalist buddies have assassinated him in the press with headlines like “You Dirty Tucker” and even “The Heart of Darkness” with a flowchart of Malcolm’s underhanded activities beneath it.

During a hiatus in the Crime Stats Inquiry, Steve Fleming leads Malcolm into a side-room for a little chat. Malcolm’s eyes narrow and dart around as the full horror of what is about to happen dawns upon him.

Very little is said initially, the scene is beautifully written and shot. Steve is perched on a table looking at Malcolm with a simultaneous look of smugness and false concern, while Malcolm sits lower down on a sofa. Malcolm reluctantly plucks the truth from the silent ether, shakes his head and says he needs to talk to Tom [The Prime Minister]. Steve smugly tells him:

“Tom, isn’t immediately available to you Malcolm…”
“The Prime Minister will support you fully in whatever you decide to do next.”

Malcolm, like a wounded animal, backs himself into a corner and denys what is happening, desperately announcing:

“…you can not fuck me, you can not fuck me; I am unfuckable!”

In the corner of the room the muted television showing BBC News 24 confirms the truth, “Malcolm Tucker Resigns”, Steve whispers the words back to Malcolm to hammer them home. Malcolm explodes in a furious prolonged outburst as his world, his entire life it seems, crumbles.

He follows Steve into an adjacent room barking insults at him, then manhandles Julius in the corridor for being complicit in his downfall. Julius grabs him back and warns “I will fucking strike you Malcolm”, without his official status Malcolm relaxes and simply says “Don’t you touch that scarf, that’s Paul Smith!”.

Back at DoSAC the minions have heard the news and are celebrating, however Nicola is not rejoicing. And after some initial euphoria, Glen is now unsure whether it is good news or not.

Malcolm finds Fleming’s flunkys in his office, surrounding his devoted and crying Secretary, Sam. He warns then off and tries to comfort her before leaving the building like a bat out of hell, shouting:

“You will see me AGAIN! You will fuckin’ see me again!”

When he says “fuckin” you can hear a slight quiver of emotion in his voice, such a great performance. Malcolm is a character that some critics try to pass off as unbelievable, but this episode really raises him up into another dimension.

There are cracks appearing in his composure through which we’ve seen some of his recent torment. In your average television narrative Malcolm might’ve fallen-apart and been picked up by let’s say, Nicola; to fight another day.

But this is not a pandering situation comedy with 8 minutes of thinly-veiled morality-play, interspersed with obscenities. This the point where Harsh Political Satire and Harsh Drama meet, Malcolm’s not cracked yet and I doubt he ever will. Malcolm was forced out of office kicking and swearing and I for one want him back.

Next week’s episode synopsis says that Malcolm Tucker will receive an offer of help from an unlikely source. There’s a photo underneath that paragraph of Opposition spin-Doctor Stewart Pearce looking very thoughtful.

I wonder…

Before I get into The Thick of It, this episode was Malcolm Tucker’s 50th Birthday and he received this charming cake that reads “Happy Birthday C*nt”.

He reads the card and upon realising it’s from the Prime Minister tells an aide:

“…and he wonders why we don’t let him out in public?”

This episode shows a new side to DoSAC staff, competitiveness (bear in mind I’ve not seen series 1 or 2). Each seems intent on savaging the other on any subject, well anything except City bonuses. Peter Mannion flatley to attack “money grabbing wankers” and tells Phil:

“Some of my best friends are money grabbing wankers and I’ve got to give a speech to room full of them tomorrow at the CBI lunch. I’m not gonna say ‘Hello chums, I’ve just taken a slash in the soup’.”

The usually tense atmosphere between rival camps is intensified when Richard Bacon’s producer lumps everyone into one tiny green room. Introduce some relationship issues between Emma and Olly and the entire show becomes exhaustingly hectic.

Peter brings Phil; his “little wooden twat”. Phil lives with Olly’s girlfriend Emma, Olly is jealous of this for good reason. Emma whom also works in opposition to DoSAC making the situation even more tense when they’re both ordered to Radio 5 by their respective spin-Doctors to clear up the verbal diarrhea their Ministers have been spouting.

This episode just seemed to go on forever when I first saw it, I thought it was a one hour special. The Thick of It always seems to move at a rabid pace but with the charged atmosphere between the two camps forever bubbling, I found this episode to be quite EPIC.

Malcolm always provides my favourite quote, but this week Olly was a close second when he declined Phil’s Lord of The Rings flavoured olive branch.

“This inability to speak without using Lord of The Rings metaphors is one the many reasons why we could NEVER be friends.”

As the spin-Doctors terrorise the production staff, Stewart sees a text on a screen from Tim in Ruislip which jeapodises DoSAC’s higher moral ground in the debate. Malcolm explodes when the Producer pipes it through to Richard Bacon in the studio to be read out, here is his rant it it’s entirety:

“…you’re fucking dead, and those three little words, Tim In Ruislip, are the fuckin’ nails in your coffin, dear.

Tim! In! Ruislip!

Tim in-fucking-Ruislip. And as for Tim in-fucking… -Ruislip, he’s fuckin’ dead as well! That fuckin’ txting coward. Give me his number. What’s his fuckin’ number? Give me the fucking number of Tim in Ruislip.

If you don’t give me his fuckin’ number do you know what I’m gonna have to do? I’m going to have to fuckin’ go to fuckin’ Ruislip and fuckin’ snap the thumb and forefinger off of every single person I see who I think, resembles the kind of wanker that would be walking around in this day and fuckin’ age with a name like fucking Tim!”

Malcolm Tucker’s face-off with his opposite number, new-school spin-Doctor Stewart Pearson is hilarious as each bring out the other’s skeletons from their own closet. Each threatens to devastate the other with evidence of exquisite-sleeze until Stewart trumps Malcolm’s Domestic Abuse with Backbench Homo-Scat.

I’ve been championing The Thick of It to everyone I know and this episode was really great television. Not since Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle early this year have I laughed been reduced to a gibbering, giggling, mess by a TV show. Awesome!

That led me to immediately start following Armando Iannucci who has written and produced some of the greatest British TV and Radio comedies of the last two decades; both Alan Partridge‘s, The Day Today, On The Hour and The Saturday Night Armistice to name but a few.

Rebecca and Armando’s twitters mentioned a BBC TV show called The Thick of It, which I’d kinda heard of but had never seen. So on a lazy Saturday morning I checked out series 3 of The Thick of It out on iPlayer and was stunned with how incredibly well written and performed this fierce political satire is.

The Thick of It satirises the inner workings of British government, revolving mainly around the ministers and civil servants at the Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship (DoSAC). The farcical happenings of DoSAC regularly result in aggressive, abusive and dramatic bollockings from the Prime Minister’s Press Secretary, Malcolm Tucker who tries in vain to keep the media at bay. Peter Capaldi’s performance as Malcolm Tucker is quite possibly the greatest comic acting I’ve seen in years, he makes this unforgiving and virulent dynamo come alive.

According to Armando Iannucci, The Thick of It scripts are sent to a swearing-consultant who adds some of the show’s more coarse and abusive language.

Some of the dialogue is improvised to provide a greater sense of reality, which is also heightened by the use of hand-held cameras and a complete lack of incidental music.

Series 3 of The Thick of It stars Rebecca Front as Nicola Murray, a new Minister in charge of DoSAC who seems to have been appointed to a position beyond her abilities for lack of another willing candidate. Her lack of experience and the general incompetancy of the DoSAC workforce results in them all being the subject of Malcolm Tucker’s foul-mouthed abuse, peppered with hysterical witticisms.

Malcolm has referred to an MP as “so dense light bends around him” and degrades Nicola Murray with names such as “Glummy Mummy” and “The French Lieutenant’s Woman”.

Malcolm Tucker’s character is thought to derive from Tony Blair’s former Director of Communications and Strategy, Alastair Campbell. Michael White, The Guardian’s former political editor partially agrees with this assessment, describing Tucker as:

“…a plausible satire on Alastair [Campbell]– though much funnier, more brutal and more obscene.”
[source: The Guardian 23/11/09]

But Michael White was quite critical of The Thick of It, saying that he didnt much care for “the comedy of humiliation”. While I tend to agree (Frankie Boyle’s Live DVD made me feel slightly sad), I find Malcolm’s comments to be humiliating, but we rarely see the characters responses, let alone see them actually humiliated. Except perhaps when Malcolm tells Nicole her dress is so loud it’s giving him tinnitus.

His insults on-the-whole are like water off a duck’s back and when everyone within range (press, Ministers and Civil Service alike) is being given the same treatment, no-one seems overly dejected. DoSAC staff usually just dampened down into submission, ready to commit the next political gaff.

I really must stop now because I could talk about my new favourite TV show all day long. The new series of the The Thick of It is shown on BB2 on Saturday nights and is available on iPlayer for several weeks after transmission.

Check it out, I’m “allover it, like a pigeon on a chip”.

• The Thick of It – BBC Programme Guide