This week’s episode of The Thick of It saw the seemingly impossible happen. Malcolm Tucker was forced to resign, but the man he forced to resign in 2003, Steve Fleming.
The episode opens with DoSAC staff trying to find a celebrity to front their Healthy Choices campaign. Ollie manages to get Andy Murray, while Terri insists that ‘Pooey’ Paula Radcliffe would be a better choice. Thankfully Terri is shouted down by jibes such as “hop, shit and jump” and the notion that “shitting in your own pants is definitely not a healthy image”.
It soon becomes obvious that Malcolm is on holiday. WTF?
Yes, the man who never takes holiday takes one day’s holiday to invite some Journalistic contacts (whom he hates) over to his house for a curry. Here’s a list of some of the films that were spotted in Malcolm Tucker’s DVD collection. In the midst of this seemingly impossible dinner party, Malcolm reveals to Geoffrey (from the Guardian) and Marianne “Swine-face” Swift (from The Daily Mail) that he would like it to be known that he is still at the heart of government.
I would be very much fucking-appreciated if you could emphasis the fact that I’m at the heart of Government; because it’s fuckin’ true. I am at the Heart of Government, I am the ventricles and the fuckin’ aorta!
The Journalists nod and tell Malcolm he’s right… until the Government start wheeling out the Celebrities.
“What’s next Malcolm? Ant & Dec as the new fucking Litter Tsars? That’s when you know you’re 20 points behind in the polls!”
Ant & Dec annouced as the Government's New Litter Tsars
As soon as the words left his mouth, I began to feel anxious for Malcolm. In previous weeks his normal mastery of the Dark-Art of Spin has been reduced to mere damage control. The Immigration Data-loss leak, the Murray-Mannion Radio 5 Catastrophe and the Party Conference Punch-Up are just a few examples of complete Tuck-ups that have happened recently on Malcolm Tucker’s watch.
Malcolm doubtless feels cornered and his proclamation to the gaggle of journalists is tantamount to a death-cry. Especially after his ‘Nile of Shit’ melt-down in private to Terri last week.
Last week we heard that Steve Fleming, a former Spin-Doctor who resigned from Government in 2003, is back on the scene and infact joined The Prime Minister on his recent World-Tour; instead of Malcolm.
Malcolm Tucker and his arch enemy, Steve Fleming
As DoSAC staff speculate on who’s driving the bus, Steve Fleming himself arrives with ‘caffeinated gifts’ in a thinly vailed attempt to bully them into working through the night to rush some Crime Stats out instead of working on the Healthy Choices launch. After DoSAC’s begrudging acceptance, Steve leaves in a cloud of smug and Olly begins to berate him while Glen pours his ‘caffeinated gift’ into Nicola’s potted-plant. Terri, who keeps her Civil Service job regardless of how well any Government are doing, proclaims she likes Steve Fleming. Olly retorts:
“…well you like Bath Salts; you’re basically an idiot.”
Steve Fleming delivers marching orders in a different way to Malcolm Tucker. Steve would prefer to smile and laugh while passively-aggressively demanding things. He’s the kind of man who’d imply you should do something in a barrage of chuckles, and then either-way, he’ll stitch you up afterwards. He wants to be surrounded with acolytes and Yes-Men, he is a charmless snake.
Malcolm Tucker with his DoSAC Minions
Malcolm on the other hand prefers to explode onto the scene, insist things must be done and barks the reasons why, along with a torrent of hurtful insults. But Malcolm conveys the gravity of the situation and at the end of the day he is a protector. He wants people to keep their jobs, to do better and he doesn’t need or even want to be liked. Malcolm has shared some moments of triumph with the lesser mortals and encouraged a sense of comradery. He tried, in his own way, to comfort Nicola when she was upset about her daughter’s bullying and he seems to have a great working relationship with his rarely-seen Secretary Sam. He can be charming and can be genuinely hilarious, Malcolm Tucker is human.
As the episode develops we see how well-connected Steve Fleming is, he seems to know Malcolm has been entertaining journalists in his kitchen and is having coffee with Lord Julius Nicholson, one of Malcolm’s old foes. DoSAC published some unconfirmed Crime Projections with their Crime Stats, necessitating an Inquiry into possible massaging of the figures. Lord Nicolson will head that inquiry and Steve Fleming seems very nonchalant about the subject, but it is of visible concern to Malcolm.
Malcolm seems very unsure of himself, he’s already changed his mind on the subject of Andy Murray; since the Ant & Dec quip from Geoffrey he now thinks using a Celebrity would be a distress flare for the Government. He’s seen Steve greasing the wheels with coffee and tries to lure an estranged Nicola into a his office with a “milky beverage”. To make matters worse, Malcolm’s journalist buddies have assassinated him in the press with headlines like “You Dirty Tucker” and even “The Heart of Darkness” with a flowchart of Malcolm’s underhanded activities beneath it.
During a hiatus in the Crime Stats Inquiry, Steve Fleming leads Malcolm into a side-room for a little chat. Malcolm’s eyes narrow and dart around as the full horror of what is about to happen dawns upon him.
Very little is said initially, the scene is beautifully written and shot. Steve is perched on a table looking at Malcolm with a simultaneous look of smugness and false concern, while Malcolm sits lower down on a sofa. Malcolm reluctantly plucks the truth from the silent ether, shakes his head and says he needs to talk to Tom [The Prime Minister]. Steve smugly tells him:
“Tom, isn’t immediately available to you Malcolm…”
“The Prime Minister will support you fully in whatever you decide to do next.”
Malcolm, like a wounded animal, backs himself into a corner and denys what is happening, desperately announcing:
“…you can not fuck me, you can not fuck me; I am unfuckable!”
In the corner of the room the muted television showing BBC News 24 confirms the truth, “Malcolm Tucker Resigns”, Steve whispers the words back to Malcolm to hammer them home. Malcolm explodes in a furious prolonged outburst as his world, his entire life it seems, crumbles.
He follows Steve into an adjacent room barking insults at him, then manhandles Julius in the corridor for being complicit in his downfall. Julius grabs him back and warns “I will fucking strike you Malcolm”, without his official status Malcolm relaxes and simply says “Don’t you touch that scarf, that’s Paul Smith!”.
Back at DoSAC the minions have heard the news and are celebrating, however Nicola is not rejoicing. And after some initial euphoria, Glen is now unsure whether it is good news or not.
Malcolm finds Fleming’s flunkys in his office, surrounding his devoted and crying Secretary, Sam. He warns then off and tries to comfort her before leaving the building like a bat out of hell, shouting:
“You will see me AGAIN! You will fuckin’ see me again!”
When he says “fuckin” you can hear a slight quiver of emotion in his voice, such a great performance. Malcolm is a character that some critics try to pass off as unbelievable, but this episode really raises him up into another dimension.
There are cracks appearing in his composure through which we’ve seen some of his recent torment. In your average television narrative Malcolm might’ve fallen-apart and been picked up by let’s say, Nicola; to fight another day.
But this is not a pandering situation comedy with 8 minutes of thinly-veiled morality-play, interspersed with obscenities. This the point where Harsh Political Satire and Harsh Drama meet, Malcolm’s not cracked yet and I doubt he ever will. Malcolm was forced out of office kicking and swearing and I for one want him back.
Next week’s episode synopsis says that Malcolm Tucker will receive an offer of help from an unlikely source. There’s a photo underneath that paragraph of Opposition spin-Doctor Stewart Pearce looking very thoughtful.
I wonder…
