Jack Bauer Facts

By

Leyton

Published: November 24, 2009Posted in: UncategorizedTags: 24, jack bauer, lol

• Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
• When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
• In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
• What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
• People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
• Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell the tale.
• When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
• Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
• Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
• Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
• Jack Bauer has killed more men than he has spoken to.
• If the show was called “Bauer: Texas Ranger” the show would still be in production.
• Nobody speaks while Jack Bauer speaks, which is why the entire world is silent for approximately 1 hour on Mondays.
• 50 million people can’t be wrong…unless Jack Bauer says so.
• A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar… and Jack Bauer is going to find out why…

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7 Comments

1. Google

   Posted November 24, 2009 at 3:39 PM

   lol well good!
   but what would happen if Jack Bauer met John McClain?
2. Leyton

   Posted November 24, 2009 at 3:47 PM

   The same thing that happens when an unstoppable-force meets an unmovable-object.

   Jack Bauer would definately beat John McClain but it would be a long drawn out affair, John would take a lot of punishment. Jack would have empty his clip into John and then start beating him too, and John would be taunting Jack with obscenities throughout his protracted death.
3. Google

   Posted November 27, 2009 at 2:18 AM

   yippie kai yay mother fucker
4. Lost Boy

   Posted November 30, 2009 at 9:01 AM

   More Jack Bauer Facts:

   • Jack Bauer can win a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
   • Jack Bauer doesn’t need to speak a foreign language, torture sounds the same in every language.
   • Jack Bauer doesn’t need to search the internet, he just shouts at the computer until it gives him the information he needs.
   • Kiefer Sutherland drinks to forget the terrible things Jack Bauer has done.
5. greg

   Posted December 2, 2009 at 12:21 AM

   More Jack Bauer Facts:

   • If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Nina Myers with a gun and two bullets; he’d shoot Nina Myers twice.
   • The War In Iraq will end when Jack Bauer vacations there.
6. Leyton

   Posted December 2, 2009 at 12:40 AM

   roflmao, Nina Myers is the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.
7. Leyton

   Posted December 2, 2009 at 1:11 PM

   More Jack Bauer Facts:

   • Jack Bauer’s poker face is so good he once won a game of poker with Monopoly money and an eight card from Uno.
   • Jack Bauer can divide by zero.
   • Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
   • Jack Bauer is the super secret ending boss of every video game ever created. When you unlock the fight against him, he explodes out of the screen and cuts out your eyes. All counter-measures are ineffective.
   • Hurricane Katrina happened because Jack Bauer took a dislike to Jazz.