I recently took the decision to grow a beard, I’ve never had one.
Seems like as good a reason as any. But upon telling my friends they decided, because it’s the date of James’ 18th Birthday (??!?) that I should keep it until March 4th.
This seemed as good a date as any, so I agreed. I can’t touch a razor until March 4th.
It works out to be 73 days as I have not shaved since Dec 21st.
Mmmmmmmm. Seems like a long time when you say it like that. I could have a huge, fuck-off beard by that point.
I imagine I will look something like Mr Twit from Roald Dahl’s The Twits.
He’s an anti-Hero sure, but they’re always the best characters! I’ve loved that story since I was a kid.
Infact, Dahl says at the start of the book:
“Mr Twit felt that this hairiness made him look terrifically wise and grand.”
So, does that mean I’ll turn into Guy Pearce? Is that my destiny?
To become Guy’s understudy in the in the field of Beards and extensive knowledge of Pornography. To those who don’t know, I’m talking about Guy Pearce, otherwise known as The Laughing Wizard of Furnace Green. Worshipped by some, adored by all. Doesn’t sound too bad when you say it like that.
And imagine the savings on razorblades! Not to mention the fun I’ll have once I’ve abandoned any hope of getting a date.
Also if I go 73 days without shaving could I also become a celebrity lookalike!
I reckon my options are basically:
-
Hagrid from Lord of The Rings -
Gimli from Lord of The Rings -
Guy Pearce The Wizard of Furnace Green -
Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses -
Brian Blessed From Acting and That -
Scroobius Pip - Just A Band
Seeing as this will result in a huge beard, possibly of large and freakishly thick proportions, I feel I should document it. Worth a laugh, surely?
So I’ve just bought britainsnexttoptramp.co.uk, because I know I’ll look like Britain’s Next Top Tramp by the time James downs his first legal pint.
Enjoy peoples.
Tags: britains next top tramp

I’ve just been into town and can you believe that for once my experience at the Bank was better than my experience in Subway?